So this might be a little inappropriate for my blog. But dang it, it's just too disgusting and hilarious at the same time not to share with those of you who haven't already heard the story.
So I live with a roommate on the top floor of a duplex - an old converted house. There is a great covered porch out front with a set of steps leading up to it. Along the steps are two wide cement railings with a flat base at the bottom.
Our downstairs neighbors had a party last Friday night. No big deal, they left us a note earlier in the week, and it was Friday, so noise is appropriate. We stayed in and didn't really let the loud music and shouts bother us too much. Saturday morning I slept in and left the house around noon for some errands. The midday sun was shining on our front porch. I walked blithely out to my car and returned about two hours later.
As I climbed the steps, I noticed to my shock, horror, and disgust that there was a pile of poop - yes a pile - sitting squarely in the sun on one of the cement railings. Wondering how a dog could have made it up there and why it would have been possessed to do such a thing, I immediately began to wonder if my roommate, myself, or our neighbors had some enemies. I ran upstairs to tell my roommate. We inspected the poop, thought about potential enemies, and decided due to the location it had to be a casualty from our neighbor's party.
We knocked on his door and let him discover the pile. At that point he said, pretty casually, "Oh yeah, one of my friends said someone pooped on the porch last night." Oh yeah! Cause that is something people do pretty often, nothing to be miffed about. So a person SHIT on our front porch. Really?! Really. I mean, really! This definitely goes up there with one of the more disgusting things I have experienced. But now that it's over and I don't have to see or smell it walking into my home, it is also so disgusting it is hilariously funny. Luckily our neighbor cleaned it up right away, and hopefully won't invite that friend over again.
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My friend Kelly had a party at her house in college and someone pooped in her dryer. She never knew who it was at the time, but then a year later she heard a guy next to her at a bar bragging to his friends about how he had "shit in some girl's dryer." I'm pretty sure she punched him. This same friend had a party at her house in Seattle last year. At this party someone took of his boxer shorts and left them, poop covered, in her bathroom trash can. When we discovered them, we immediately started checking everyone at the party to see if they were wearing underwear, but the culprit was never found. People are so sick.
ReplyDeleteI got another one for ya -- my friend's friend is a Marine, and when he packed up his stuff to go on his second tour to Iraq, one of his friends pooped in some tupperware and packed it in with the boxes. He didn't find it until a YEAR later when he came home from Iraq and unpacked his boxes. real nice.
ReplyDeleteThat's a shitty day!
ReplyDeleteHaha. I love everyone's poop stories. I'll take the front porch over the dryer, or a year-old turd, that's for sure!!
ReplyDelete